Ahad, 2 Mac 2008

free writings : home - part 1

something yang aku tulis time intern dulu..
time ni aku tgh frust --> pengakuan ikhlas..hehe..

hev a nice time reading ^^

There she was. She was relieved work had end. But she really hated it when she reached home. It never felt like home. Not anymore. Not when he’s no longer here. Not when she went back to that empty and dark house.

She always hated being alone. But that is how she lived for the past years. Alone and lonely. He never called. He never texted her. She wondered why the heck she still drags her feet to the empty house everyday after work. It is not like she doesn’t afford to rent another apartment far, far away from this house that most of the time reminded her about him.

“Because, honey, you really can’t afford it the way you live if it’s not for him”

She sighs out loud for her consciousness. How she hated him for giving her more than enough money to spend it recklessly and still is happy about it. Heck, she doesn’t even need to work at all except that it killed her to spend the whole day in the forlorn house. Why is it he never remember to call her or texted her, yet every month her account will be top up with a lump of money. Doesn’t he understand what the money can’t buy? Doesn’t he realize that she doesn’t need the money? Okay, she needs the money. She can’t live without money. Who can anyway? No money, no talk man. The point is, money is essential but it definitely can’t buy everything. But most of all, money can not bring him to be at her side when he needed him the most.

Like tonight. She stares emptily at her phone. Maybe he had forgotten. Maybe he did not even care. But can’t he at least pretend to care for just for tonight? With those amount of money his making, he certainly can afford to pay the bill. Even if he is too busy, he can always text her. How long will it take just to type a simple “Happy Anniversary”? To call or to text him first was not her option. She somehow grow tired of always been the one to take the initiative. Not only that, lately he didn’t even bother to return her calls or text her back. And that ‘lately’ have last for more than one year. She sigh out loud, frustrated.

Why am I still here, I could’ve moved on, couldn’t I?

The only thing that binds her to him is the platinum ring that stuck at her finger, hoping that he still wearing his. Stuck. She laughs at the word. How truthful that word is. There was a time she really wants to pull it from her finger and throw it away, but it stuck. She can’t take it off. No matter how hard she pulled. No matter how much soap liquid she washed her hand with till her hand all dried up. This was his doing. She is very certain of that. In her sleep, he probably slipped in a similar, but smaller ring to her finger. The laugh he gave away when she accused him was the ultimate proof.

“Missy, now you’re mine, forever. Even the ring is agreeing with me”

Missy. He had always called her that. From the first day they met at her parents’ house. Once, she asked him

“Why Missy? You can always call me Sayang or Dear or even Dinda,” She almost laughed at the last word she uttered. Ewww.Geli la plak.

“Because you’re messy, Missy,” he said, attempting to keep a straight face.

At those words, she really felt like she has the urged to smack him down. Luckily he is much much taller than her. She’s a tall person herself, standing at 5’6” but compared to 5’11” person like him, it would likely her to be smack down, if there were any attempts made.

How she missed those times. The time that he was here. The time she can feel him. See him. Hear him. Touch him. How may years have it passed? Living without him, she wondered how she survived. Maybe she lived to comfortably to be relying everything on him. And she cursed him for that, for pampering her too much that she stumbled when she have to face the world herself. She had live fine, more than fine before he came. She thought she’d be fine too. She had lived well before, definitely she can live well after too, right? But after sometimes, she knew she was wrong, big time.

Another stressful day with another mountain of works. Being back at the forlorn house just add up the depression. She yet sigh another sigh. Something red catches her eyes. And a lot of them. What could it be?


jeng3x.. TBC~