what about now?

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love had never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love had never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love had never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

::Daughtry - What About Now?::

What about PDP? ><".. arrghhh..tensen2..

stress?

stress fyp xsetel2 lagi..

stress test ngan esemen rxtor sok..

stress projek ngan pisentation OM sok..

stress pdp xdesign2 lagi.. senin depan pisen..

stress xstadi2 lagi ntuk xm.. stadi wik start senin..

stress sem ni xtaw langsung markah course work..

stress tak sempat2 nak submit cv ngan carik keje..

my stress star ngan stress ball.. dpt time gi career day kat ukm
(belakang tu my fevret mug~ besar~..puas minum XD)

stress ball kesukaan ema ngan una (ye ke?) ;p

something to share, doa yang aku selalu amalkan bila terasa teringat dan insaf since my 1st year..(aarrgghh.. sesungguhnye aku seorg yang sgt lalai TT)

Doa Perlindungan Dari Sifat Malas

Doa Penerang Hati

"Ya Allah, bukakanlah ke atas kami hikmatMu dan limpahilah ke atas kami khazanah rahmatMu,wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lag"Ya Allah, bukakanlah ke atas kami hikmatMu dan limpahilah ke atas kami khazanah rahmatMu,wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.Wahai Tuhanku, tambahkanlah ilmuku dan luaskanlah kefahamanku.Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku dan mudahkanlah urusanku" i Maha Penyayang.Wahai Tuhanku, tambahkanlah ilmuku dan luaskanlah kefahamanku.Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku dan mudahkanlah urusanku"

finding the missing piece in life..

demi matahari dan sinarnya di pagi hari..
demi bulan apabila ia mengelingi..
demi siang hari bila menampakkan dirinya..
demi malam apabila ia menutupi..

demi langit berserta seluruh binaannya..
demi bumi serta yang ada di hamparannya..
demi jiwa dan seluruh penyempurnaanya..

ALLAH mengilhamkan sukma kefasikan dan sukma ketakwaan..
beruntunglah bagi yang menyucikannya..
rugilah bagi yang mengotorinya..

at first, when i heard the words, i was mesmerized.. such beautiful word as if they from the Quran..when Pak Firdaus repeat those in the English version, the stronger the feeling ,and i already had a hunch from which verse they are..

yeah.. they're from As-Syams (1 to 9)..

it has been ages since i've updated this blog.. lepas raya sangat la busy.. with the fyp, the pdp, the assignments, the career placement week, etc2.. even till now, i have fyp, pdp, (mechanical design xstart lg neh ><"), reactor assignments and lab reports, om projects and test, caklempong assignment and quiz pending.. wow~ ><"

this is not what i wish to discuss here..today i would to like share some of the experience i yesterday and the day before..

on the last weekend, i had joined the basic seminar/ 1st stage of ESQ.. ESQ stands for emotional spiritual quotient..

the event started at 8 am and the 1st thing presented was the ESQ tagline of 'Demi Matahari' taken from As-syams verse 1-9.. it was not actually a presentation but the 'Demi Matahari' was dideklamasi (how to say that in english? ;p) with emphasization of the ESQ 165 module..

i was unable to folow the 1st module since i need to go out at 9 for my caklempong klas.. dbe' had mentioned they will be issueing exemption letter, but still, with the co-q day juz the next weekend, and i was still stumbling in playing the sauwa, i definitely to practised more (lagu die best..tapi rancak sgt..tak sempat2 nak keja2..aaa~)..

alhamdullilah, sampai2 je dpn MPH after co-q, baru nak start the outer journey module.. dalam module, diterangkan bagaimana penciptaan dunia..dari teori bumi yg datar dan bertindak sebagai pusat sistem solar.. hinggalah teori copernicus yang disokong galileo that the sun is the center of the solar system instead of the earth.. to the latest theory bigbang which have been empahasized quite a lot during the module (time die duk sebut 'big bang!', teringat grup big bang, tergelak sensorang..haha..yang tak tahan nye siap teringiang2 lagu lalala ngan lies.. adess.. subhanallah..kuat sungguh pengaruh setan..huuu)..

the big bang i know..hehe..

and then we were reminded, how all the knowledge of world creation had been told in the al-Quran for the past 1400 years ago.. how Rasullullah saw was accused for being a liar when he told the peoples and yet now, astronomers had shown proofs, had taken pictures from the Hubble telescope to support for what Rasullullah saw had said as in the Quran..

the second module (at least for me), was called the inner journey.. the trainer touches of the story on the lailatul qadr, the experience to travel merentasi langit..imagining if it happens to you.. to see how far your soul travels, leaving your body, where as time goes your by, your house is nowhere in sight, your town, your country, even the earth is nowhere in sight.. pass thru the Milky Way.. later, even Milky Way was just a small dot.. Then in a matter of second, you've were thrown back to the earth..to see the inner parts of yourself.. your skins, your cells, even your dna are actually are praising ALLAH swt and praying (bertasbih dan memuja ALLAH) for every seconds of their lifespan..

kalo nak cter ape yang berlaku time esq tu, berjela2 dan tak larat la nak tulis..huu..

from my pov, the esq programme meant to tell and remind our self, for everything and anything in life, they refer back to the Almighty..everything in this world are at His disposal..

IQ comprises of the physicals, what we think..

EQ comprises of the emotions, what do feel..

SQ comprises of understanding our soul, who we are?

there were a lot of sessions that involves tears.. even guys menanges teresak2.. there i really i want to cry my heart out.. tapi mungkin hati ini masih belum cukup lembut.. honestly i was really touched to the extent that my heart ache most of the time, but i manage only to let a few tears fall.. plus these few years, the people that manage to make me cry were my parents and those i held very dear.. even that, the tears lasted less than a minute.. it may have been self-pride.. it may be because it is one way to tell myself i need to be strong.. i think another reason was, da pernah dgr situasi2 yang die gambarkan tu.. huhu.. da lali kot.. hehe.. adess..

the one sessions that i will always remember was the one where as if we were questioned by the mungkar nangkir when we die.. with the sound effects and the loud voices, the recurring questions of 'WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?' and 'WHO ARE YOU?'..dengan kilat2 die lagi.. if u wanted money, where are the money now.. if u wanted power, can that power helped u now?.. if u wanted ur loved one.. can their love save you now?..subhanallah..

'shouldnt ALLAH is the one you love the most in life? shouldnt ALLAH be the reason for your life?'

i wont lie to say the one that the one i love the most, my top priority, everything i'd done and do is because of ALLAH.. i wont deny that instead of ALLAH, i luv my family the most.. but as what had been told repeatedly in the program, 'love' came from ALLAH.. if ALLAH had not permitted, there will be no love in my family.. thus the love for ALLAH should exceed much2 more than those of His subjects.. Ya ALLAH, bukakan lah hatiku, hati keluarga ku, hati saudara-maraku, hati teman-temanku, hati orang2 yang aku sayangi, berikanlah kami hidayah agar mencintai Mu lebih dari segalanya di dunia, sedarkan lah kami, Kau lah segalanya, Kau lah punca hidup kami, Kau lah tujuan hidup kami..amiinn..

Sanosuke, from this moment i dont think i'm able to love you anymore.. you was once, an important anime character in my life..huhu..but still, u will alway s be special reminder of what my teenage life is like.. after all, i've liked you the most since i was in form two till the 1st year of my uni's life~ i even liked him more than my first real crush :P .. the same apply to Hiruma, Lockon (mengapakah sume watak anime? ngaa~)..hyde pon.. but still, kalo ade sesape nak bagi Sanosuke and Hiruma nye key chain ke, plushie ke, figurine ke, i'm more than willing to accept.. XD

talking about Sanosuke, hari tu, terserempak dgn the used-to-be-real-life-sanosuke.. i couldnt even recognized him.. die yang tegur dulu.. time tu xcam lagi.. dgn my 'who-are-you?' face, (usually used dgn tidak sengajanya dgn org yg xdpt di cam.. reflex ar XD) tertanya2 sape kah die ni.. bile nampak nama die baru teringat sape.. huu.. and i thought at least i could recognize his voice.. huuhu.. teringat time 1st jumpe die ngan yani dulu.. haha.. something i'll nvr forget.. lawak sungguh.. dulu suke nak mengkenenkan ngan my rumet sampai kena marah..haha.. i nvr expect to see him again but still happy dpt jumpa dia.. wishing him all the best in life~ ;) ..

one thing yang plg obvious dlm esq adalah byk involve physical contact such as salam semut and hugging.. kalo dulu, it is something i terribly dislike tapi skang da considerable.. tapi skang kala2 tensen, serabut, lonely, when u need emotional support, memang rasa nak hug someone.. as exhibit in esq programme.. tapi dengan yang muhrim je la.. bkn muhrim xley.. dose2.. hehe..

truthfully, i admit there was always a tugging feeling of incomplete or a missing part in my life.. ii felt as if i needed something that i longed for a very long time..rase rindu tapi xtau rindu ape..it was during the ESQ i am able to understand what i missed in my life, what fell out of place all these years.. to find them and secure them would be another story.. hopefully i will able to tell them in the future.. hopefully i am able to fill my soul with what really should be there.. hopefully, i will not be drifted yet another time..;)

Menjalani hitam putih itu membuatku mengerti
Arti hadir-Mu dalam setiap langkah-langkahku berarti

Melewati setiap detik waktuku bersama takdirmu
Membuatku mengerti hanyalah pada-Mu ku kembali

Ku bersujud kepada-Mu memohon ampunan-Mu
Adakah jalan untukku tuk kembali pada-Mu

Akulah para pencari-Mu ya Allah
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Tunjukkan ku jalan yang lurus
Tempat kutambatkan langkahku

Akulah para pencari-Mu
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Hanya di jalan-Mu ya Allah
Tempatku pasrahkan hidupku

Ku bersujud kepada-Mu memohon ampunan-Mu
Adakah jalan untukku tuk kembali pada-Mu

Akulah para pencari-Mu ya Allah
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Tunjukkan ku jalan yang lurus
Tempat kutambatkan langkahku

Akulah para pencari-Mu
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Hanya di jalan-Mu ya Allah
Tempatku pasrahkan hidupku

- Ungu : Para Pencari Mu-

kereta punto berenjin motorbot..

txt msg: abang, kete nor ade problem

tepon berbunyi,

"hey baby"

><"

line terputus..

dan2 tu putus.. tergelak..

tepon bunyik lagik..

maka bermula la sesi luahan dan ceritera..

i asked pia to drive baby P to send me to gopeng on a thursday evening.. that morning, i briefly drive to lab and everything seem to be normal and as usual..

spending the weekend at home, it was only on monday i went to see baby P.. start2 je enjin, bunyi bising sket.. napekah?.. cek2, the aircond was not turned off before.. off the air cond.. still the loud noise was there.. not taking thing seriously, i ignored the noise.. perhaps it'll fade away once the car running.. when driving, rase pelik, gegar2 sket.. rase berat, check hand brake, kot2 lupe nk turunkan ke.. da.. isyh.. nape kah.. wat bodo lagi.. harap2 wutever the problem, it will fly away..

that same nite, went to icon lab.. the syptoms seem still to be there.. but during the way back to hostel, they amplified.. the noise was louder and the vibration was like a handphone receiving an incoming call rapidly .. tekan minyak pon cam xmo gerak je.. i was getting more scared.. da x senang duduk.. ape yang tak kena ni?

"jgn risau la, spark plug tu.. abang penah jadi dulu.. bunyi macam enjin motorbot.. "

dan esoknye ke wokshop di tronoh.. satu kabel spark plug tercabut.. psang balik.. start enjin.. still menderum gak.. cek satu2.. spark plug ok.. suspek kabel.. tapi selepas di check2 kabel pon ok.. dan terjumpa la problemnye: distributor/coil.. ngaa~.. dah la bulan ni duit kering.. hukhuk.. dan oleh kerana kaum baby P ni kaum pelik sket, terpaksa order part tu dari kl..

tepon umie, umie gelak je.. ngaa~.. bende nak jadi.. seb bek jadi seminggu seblom nak balik raya.. kalo jadi tgh2 hi-way on d way nak balik nanti?.. waa~.. horror~

hari ni brg yang di order sampai.. pasang part tu jap je, so dlm kul 3 da siap~.. alhamdulillah~ XD

time amek tu, terasa lega sgt2.. setel da.. bile drive pon rase smooth je.. da tak bising cam motobot da.. da tak vibrate da.. dan tak berat da.. yeah~.. alhamdulillah sgt2.. XD

gagagagagagagaga..

death

"..dari tanah kamu di jadikan, maka kepada tanah kamu dikembalikan untuk dimamah ulat dan tanah.."

setiap apa yang bernyawa di atas muka bumi ini pasti akan merasa sakaratul maut dan mati.. cuma when, why and how is still an unknown mystery..

kalau dulu aku tertanya apa agak rasanya selepas akad nikah, how that person life's will change after he/she is legally declared married.. lepas2 sume majlis tu nak pegi mane.. nak wat ape.. cane nak start mulakan 1st step of married life..

skang ni terfikir, if i was told i had a terminal disease and wont live long, how will i react.. sedey ke.. marah ke.. pasrah ke.. terkejut ke.. how will it affect the remaining of my life?..

if someone that i held dearly and cherish the most died, how will my life change?.. what kind of life it would turn out to be?.. how will i cope, living in the memories of that said person..

if i died, will someone out there sincerely miss me.. how will my parents cope.. if i died, where will my soul go?..akan terbukakah pintu2 langit menyambut roh dengan sukaria.. atau akan dicampak dan dihempaskan ke perut bumi jika semua pintu langit di tutup (nauzubillah) .. are my good deeds able to cover my sins (something that i seriously doubt).. akan dilapangkan kah liang lahad.. atau akan disempitkan kah hingga berlaga tulang2 rusuk (nauzubillah)..

-sigh- tau takut, tapi bilakah nak insaf ni?.. <-- di tujukan pada diri sendiri.. ><"


p/s: tolong sedekahkan al-fatihah pada arwah atuk yang menyambut panggilan Ilahi pada khamis malam jumaat yang lepas.. moga rohnye di cucuri rahmat dari Dia yang Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang..

kisah di suatu pagi..

pucat muka bile kunci baby P stuck, xley nak tarik.. nak start enjin kete pon xley.. ngaa~

tarik nafas,

bismillah..

try pusing stereng, stereng lock.. cuak.. tekan lagi kunci dan cuba tarik.. stuck.. cuak bertambah .. try lagi sekali, masih stuck.. :muka da cam nk nanges da:

"Mus, kunci stuck, cane ni?"

mus kuar dari kete, try plak nak tarik, still stuck..

aaa~

pada mulanye da mati enjin sume, tapi hati ni gatal nk try betulkn tayar sebab tayar tak stret (ni kot punca lock stereng) tp x expek lak lock kunci skali.. aaa~

tarik nafas lagi..

bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

try turun handbrake, nak masuk gear sah2 xley.. try start kete, still xley.. kunci still stuck..:sob:

"mus cane ni?" da start sebak ngan cuak yang amat..

dalam hati terpikir nak mintak tolong kat sape.. torrino ade kat kl je.. tak kenal dak2 len yang pakai adek beradek baby P kat utp ni..

"mus, nk mintak tolong sape ni?"

"faei, lek2, jgn nanges lak"

mus cadangkan name najmie, sbb alang2 dak petchem ade lab kat building 5.. mesej najmie, mintak tolong.. akhirnye, dengan byk kali gak pusing2 stereng ngan tuis2, berjaya gak~

alhamdullilah~

tq najmie~~ ;)

____________________________________________________________________

after lab petchem, g plak lab fyp..

erks.. lock?

try gi lab seblah..

erks.. lock gak?

try gi lab computer yg bukak kena pakai card..

erks.. lock gak??

apekah naseb ku ari ni?

naik atas, jumpe cik jailani

"sy xde kunci lab bawah, try tanya kakak2 lab depan tu"

turun bwh balik..

derg ade meeting..

cane ni?

skang da kul 1030.. klas kul 1..

ngaa~

seb bek ade sorg postgrad student lalu.. try tanye die.. akhirnye die mintak tolong cik norma bukakan lab computer tu.. so aku ley la bypass ke lab..

alhamdullilah~

tq lab guy~ ;)

____________________________________________________________________

subhanallah..

things in life happens for reasons..

what goes around comes around..

memang asam garam dalam hidup kadang kite di atas dan senang lenang, kadang kita di bawah dan ditimpa2 pelbagai musibah ..

di kala senang, itu tanda ALLAH swt menyayangi hamba2nya..
di kala susah, itu tanda ALLAH swt lebih menyayangi hamban2nya..kerana itu DIA memberi peringatan, kerana itu DIA memberi ujian..

ya ALLAH, tabahkan la hatiku dan dan semua ya ALLAH.. kuatkan lah hati kami untuk menghadapi ujianMU yang menimpa kami.. bukakanlah pintu hati kami agar menyedari kesilapan2 kami dan pengajaran2 yang ingin kau tunjukkan ya ALLAH..

di kala2 kesempitan ini, ujian demi ujian datang melanda.. sampai kenkadang diri ini penat selepas satu demi satu cubaan MU datang menghempap kami.. mujur penat bukan petanda berputus asa, cuma kenkadang diri ini leka sebentar, cuba buat bodoh dia atas semua yang terjadi.. hanya kepada MU ya ALLAH aku berharap.. kerana KAU lah yang maha megetahui dan maha berkuasa.. tetapkanlah hati ku ya ALLAH, kuatkan lah semangat ku ya ALLAH, berikan lah aku hidayah dan petunjuk MU.. permudahkan lah kami mengatasi dan melalui semua ujian2 mu dan juga dugaan2 di masa hadapan.. kerana hanya KAU lah tempat kami berlindung dan berharap..

life is a complicated thing.. it can never be described with words only.. no matter how hard, no matter how harsh life is, one day, when you'll look back, you'll realized, all those are what made you who you are.. all those that bring you down eventually will strenghthen yourself when you are at the top.. all those what make you treasure life and the sweet memories the most.. all those will make you not to forget the supreme power that controls all..