rain pt 1

it was raining when i met her for the first time..

she was standing there, clutching her red umbrella as if her life depends on it.. whilst, I was drench from top to toe, awed by her.. even in the busy crowd, packed with people of all kinds, she was distinguishable and able to stand up from the others.. with her bright eyes sparkling, with her raven hair flowing freely with the rhythm of the wind, with her proud and elegant face.. i was unable to not notice how all the males turn their head to look at her even for a short moment.. and there she was, smiling so sweetly toward my direction.. at me?

i was never a person that believed in love at first sight.. it was something i always detest as it was driven by the physical and most probably initiated by lust.. something that seem impossible to happen for an all average person like me.. but that was before i met her.. my heart beat twice faster when i saw her looking at me.. i blushed a deeper shade of red as she came nearer to me.. when she spoke, the world became silent and her voice was the only thing to hear.. when she laughed, i can felt my spirit lifted up with a wide grin plastered all over my face.. if this was not love, what was it?

flashback~

last nite i dreamed of a used-to-be-closed friend.. dia sangat la annoying dalam mimpi tu.. rase cam nak sekeh2 je..

mimpi pasal tgh wat projek sekolah.. huhu.. kena kaler2 landskap.. kena tampal2 cam collage ntuk bg efek lebey pada lanskaping tu.. ngarut sungguh mimpi2 aku neh..

patutkah aku miskol die.. juz sebagai tanda aku teringatkan dia?.. tapi malas la plak.. hehe ;p
ego kot.. ><"
xpe2.. tunggu nanti raya je la.. ley wish raya terus..

takde ape2 pon yang mentrigger untuk teringat dia.. adakah die rindu kat aku (hehe.. wishful thinking sungguh XD)..

"eh?..**** miskol~" (nama dirahsiakan atas sebab2 violating rahsia negara)

dlm hati, miskol je?.. :pastu letak enpon tepi, sambung keje:

"lama tak dengar nama tu", komen rumet..

adakah sebab miskol dari my old crush malam tadi yg menjadi trigger?.. sebab time rapat ngan die, i still had a big crush on the old crush.. nway, cerita lama.. let bygone be bygone~ ;)

p/s: rindunye kat keynah, hezreen, shi, anis, farah, marlyana.. dak2 omrum dulu.. dak2 len klas g kat bp.. hukkhukk.. ntah zaman bila la plak bley jumpe..

kereta punto berenjin motorbot..

txt msg: abang, kete nor ade problem

tepon berbunyi,

"hey baby"

><"

line terputus..

dan2 tu putus.. tergelak..

tepon bunyik lagik..

maka bermula la sesi luahan dan ceritera..

i asked pia to drive baby P to send me to gopeng on a thursday evening.. that morning, i briefly drive to lab and everything seem to be normal and as usual..

spending the weekend at home, it was only on monday i went to see baby P.. start2 je enjin, bunyi bising sket.. napekah?.. cek2, the aircond was not turned off before.. off the air cond.. still the loud noise was there.. not taking thing seriously, i ignored the noise.. perhaps it'll fade away once the car running.. when driving, rase pelik, gegar2 sket.. rase berat, check hand brake, kot2 lupe nk turunkan ke.. da.. isyh.. nape kah.. wat bodo lagi.. harap2 wutever the problem, it will fly away..

that same nite, went to icon lab.. the syptoms seem still to be there.. but during the way back to hostel, they amplified.. the noise was louder and the vibration was like a handphone receiving an incoming call rapidly .. tekan minyak pon cam xmo gerak je.. i was getting more scared.. da x senang duduk.. ape yang tak kena ni?

"jgn risau la, spark plug tu.. abang penah jadi dulu.. bunyi macam enjin motorbot.. "

dan esoknye ke wokshop di tronoh.. satu kabel spark plug tercabut.. psang balik.. start enjin.. still menderum gak.. cek satu2.. spark plug ok.. suspek kabel.. tapi selepas di check2 kabel pon ok.. dan terjumpa la problemnye: distributor/coil.. ngaa~.. dah la bulan ni duit kering.. hukhuk.. dan oleh kerana kaum baby P ni kaum pelik sket, terpaksa order part tu dari kl..

tepon umie, umie gelak je.. ngaa~.. bende nak jadi.. seb bek jadi seminggu seblom nak balik raya.. kalo jadi tgh2 hi-way on d way nak balik nanti?.. waa~.. horror~

hari ni brg yang di order sampai.. pasang part tu jap je, so dlm kul 3 da siap~.. alhamdulillah~ XD

time amek tu, terasa lega sgt2.. setel da.. bile drive pon rase smooth je.. da tak bising cam motobot da.. da tak vibrate da.. dan tak berat da.. yeah~.. alhamdulillah sgt2.. XD

gagagagagagagaga..

death

"..dari tanah kamu di jadikan, maka kepada tanah kamu dikembalikan untuk dimamah ulat dan tanah.."

setiap apa yang bernyawa di atas muka bumi ini pasti akan merasa sakaratul maut dan mati.. cuma when, why and how is still an unknown mystery..

kalau dulu aku tertanya apa agak rasanya selepas akad nikah, how that person life's will change after he/she is legally declared married.. lepas2 sume majlis tu nak pegi mane.. nak wat ape.. cane nak start mulakan 1st step of married life..

skang ni terfikir, if i was told i had a terminal disease and wont live long, how will i react.. sedey ke.. marah ke.. pasrah ke.. terkejut ke.. how will it affect the remaining of my life?..

if someone that i held dearly and cherish the most died, how will my life change?.. what kind of life it would turn out to be?.. how will i cope, living in the memories of that said person..

if i died, will someone out there sincerely miss me.. how will my parents cope.. if i died, where will my soul go?..akan terbukakah pintu2 langit menyambut roh dengan sukaria.. atau akan dicampak dan dihempaskan ke perut bumi jika semua pintu langit di tutup (nauzubillah) .. are my good deeds able to cover my sins (something that i seriously doubt).. akan dilapangkan kah liang lahad.. atau akan disempitkan kah hingga berlaga tulang2 rusuk (nauzubillah)..

-sigh- tau takut, tapi bilakah nak insaf ni?.. <-- di tujukan pada diri sendiri.. ><"


p/s: tolong sedekahkan al-fatihah pada arwah atuk yang menyambut panggilan Ilahi pada khamis malam jumaat yang lepas.. moga rohnye di cucuri rahmat dari Dia yang Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang..

Rie Fu - Till I Say

I said, I love you for the first time of my life
And there was truth in me
Something greater is controlling me all the time
But there’s no fear in me
So won’t you hold me tighter?
So won’t you be with me still?
I’ve been feeling fed up
with waiting for something clear,
And now that something is here

Oh I think I’m living a dream come true
One more kiss and I will fall through
All I ever longed for was you
I think I’m living a dream come true
One more kiss and I will fall through
All I ever longed for was you

So won’t you hold my hand?
See the stars, they’re shining, shining
Close your eyes and cry, ’till I say I love you

aisubeki mono wa genzai de,
kako no mono ja nai
sukui o mitsukedaseru no ka?
kono ooki na chikara ni
makasete deatta atarashii asa
mou tebanasanaide ite
nakasenaide ite

(The things I should love belong to the present,
not to the past
In this great strength,
will you be able to find help?
In a new morning I trusted would come
Don’t let me go again
Don’t make me cry)

Oh I think I’m living a dream come true
One more kiss and I will fall through
All I ever longed for was you
mihatenai mirai ni akarui ashita o sagashidaseru sa
(In an unforeseeable future, I might find a bright tomorrow)

So won’t you hold my hand?
See the stars, they’re shining, shining
Close your eyes and cry, ’till I say I love you

yukkuri ajiwau　koto nado wasurete
sutte wa haiteku　soshite kanashimu
kimi ni aitai

(Forgetting about savoring things slowly,
I keep inhaling what I exhale, and I get sad
I miss you)

I think I’m living a dream come true,
one more kiss and I will fall through

Oh I think I’m living a dream come true
One more kiss and I will fall through
All I ever longed for was you
mihatenai mirai o kimi to nara zutto mamotte ikitai
(If that unforeseeable future is with you, I want to go and protect it always)

So won’t you hold my hand?
See the stars, they’re shining, shining
Close your eyes and cry, ’till I say I love you

hey~

Hey listen Mr. Boy
With your conceited lips
Tell me about your deepest love
Come on like a man

Only filled with pride
your days are dull and boring
and the future is far away
for you boys

Now with a warmer heart
and a straighter mind
and with a bit more composure,
become a real man

Every minute and second
the hands of the clock are
spinning so fast its out of breath
but why are you in the same place?
Jump Jump

No pridefulness,
but with confidence
Grow like that heavy mountain

Hey listen Mr. Boy
With your conceited lips
Tell me about your deepest love
Come on like a man
Hey get up Mr. Big
With your broad shoulders,
Hold unto the woman you will protect to the death
You know real man

When a man’s two eyes seem to swallow the world
It shines so brilliantly
When a fight between men is not about strength but
increasing hope
We always see victory

Hey listen Mr. Boy
With the same bravado when you acted tough
Throw yourself into your dreams
Burning running man

Hey get up Mr. Big
With the heart to win the world
Be reborn
I’m waiting for you
Let’s go Mr. Big

Hey listen Mr. Boy
With your conceited lips
Tell me about your deepest love
Come on like a man

Hey get up Mr. Big
With your broad shoulders,
Hold unto the woman you will protect to the death
You know real man

-Hey Mr. Big : Lee Hyori-

becoming

comparing myself now with myself a few years back, i kinda see i'm becoming someone that i, my self is unable to recognize..

"awak lain gile skang"

"saya pon pasan"

"dulu awak tak kuar malam, skang ni advance, salu kuar2, yang terkejutnye sampai ke penang.. care awk pon da len.. pastu skang awk da start flirt2 ngan ramai org "(mane de ramai org..siyes!)

erksss..

tapi sume tu mmg betul pon..

paling nampak after start je final year last sem, aku dengan giatnye asek kuar malam.. mapley la.. situ la.. sini la.. quite sudden when b4 intern, dlm beberapa taun itu hanya sekali dua.. to the extent that my rumet commented,

"awak tak kuar malam? time 1st year, 2nd year dulu betul la.. skang ni lagi ligat dari rumetnye"

ngaa.. the truth hurts..

another things i started to notice, day by day (haru haru~ XD), i've become more ignorant and jadi jenis yang semakin tak kesah (ni yang contribute tu flirty aspects tho only for specified frens ) .. not to mention, i've also sometimes tend to be more kejam and selfish..

does wutever i experienced during those time, turning me into who i am now? or am i just too tired (or lazy) to care anymore? or is this one way i'm becoming more rebellious?

on the positive side, i get to met and know new peoples.. do something new, perhaps things i never dare to do before.. altho i'm not an xtrovert, i rather enjoy being with peoples and having companies..

on the down side, i cant even decipher my own actions.. nowadays i reacted on reflexes rather than of consciousness.. sometimes i get scared myself because i cant see my own b0rderline of what is right or what is wrong .. my rationale now is somewhat unreliable now.. sometimes even my priorities got mixed up!


i' not saying i dont like who i am rite now, bcuz everything in life especially people, changes.. only the ALMIGHTY does not and will not change over time.. this is who i am rite now.. be it for better or for worse.. i just kind of miss my old self.. hehe~

thank you to frens that always reminded me to be more aware of what i'm doing, those that told me to try not to go out at nite often and not to stay out too late.. those that always reminded me of my parents and family..

thank you~~