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i luv this song!.. super duper sweet, kan? especially donghae's singing part :P

sangat lama tak login and update this sampai it took me more than 10 minutes to log in.. lol..

what's new?

well, if you're asking about work, i had moved to a different asset.. now i'm supporting one of the most important gas platform.. powering the nation, babe!.. no gas supply, no electricity to PM (peninsular malaysia).. sounds cool but maaaaaan, it's a lot lot lot of work and stress.. i thinks it's a very good exposure to build my working competency level, but i'm not sure whether i'm up to it.. funny, here i am, always keep repeating that my personality is not suitable to work here, but still i have no intention to jump ships.. ok2, intention je la yang ade, action xde pong, cv xpenah pun update..hehe..
summary - work: keje sampai bila tak abes2, i NEED the money but i also want job satisfaction!

activity wise, this evening i'm heading to UTP with anis to pick-up yani then proceed to penang..It's una's wedding tomorrow!.. so happy for her, may she has a happy and prosperous new life and berbahagia hingga ke syurga :) ..
(tapi, saya takut drive jauh2 ni.. haha..)

monday, i'll be going to Jakarta for training..adess, baru nak enjoy tapi kena bawak kerje plak sbb xsetel2 lagi.. powering the nation la sangat..ngaaa

summary - non-work: define non-work please?.. is work-life balance even exist? i'm not a workaholic but why it's all about work?.. i need more time for myself!


personal personal wise? - due to time constraint, currently i just go with the flow and on reflex, instantaneous feel.. if i feel like it, then i do it.. if i don't, then i won't.. i need to do something meaningful and fun! any suggestion?

and lastly, here you go, this cute song's translation (credit goes to pop!gasa):

You always ask, how much I love you

Sometimes, you get worried about the far ahead future


Don’t worry, don’t torture yourself

You are my perfect love


Even if you’re just breathing

Even if you don’t have makeup on

You are beautiful, eye-blinding


I think of you just once a day

It can’t be more, because I’m saving you up


The sunshine of a hard day

If only you are here, it’s OK

That’s all I need


When I see you, I feel comfortable

Even though you don’t like it when I say that



I’m happy but still you are nervous


Don’t doubt- don’t torture yourself

Actually, this is a pure love


When you give off that lovely smile with your eyes

You are beautiful, eye-blinding


I think of you just once a day

It can’t be more, because I’m saving you up


The sunshine of a hard day

If only you are here, it’s OK

That’s all I need

dying sparks..

on yearly basis, mesti sekeping kad ni akan sampai ke umah..

betul ke dapat diskaun neh..ke on certain items je?

rasenye last time g kedai ni time foundation..
tp still maseh ade bg service camni untuk x-customer..
wuhuu.. bagus seyh.. cam ape yg belajar time klas sbe dulu..

rindu la plak zaman dulu2.. zaman kirem2 kad..
nostalgic seyh..
skang zaman da moden, teknologi sume di ujung jari..
sume mudah..
kad berganti sms, komen frenster ngan face book..
tapi still, kad dan surat yg plg best..
bley simpan elok2 dlm album, pegang ngan tangan, tgk blk, bace balik..
waa~~
besh2..

today is my 22nd birthday~ (yeah XD)
and my parents 23rd annivesary (hepi annivesary umie, ayah~)
my besday exactly a year after my parents wedding.. cool, rite?
;)
i was initially expected to due on 31st Jan 1987, tp mungkin da tak saba nk tengok dunia, tu yang terawal sket kot.. hehe~

tq frens, for remembering n all ur wishes for my besday~
ingat gak korg kt kite ni :)
tq pd org yg sudi kol (lenkali kol la lama2 lagi..lagi lama pon xpe..
:P)..

tq cukeri for the cake~
nak sweater yg tgk ari tu.. TT

top: new york cheese
bottom: hi-fibre cheese
nyumm~
(org Secret Recipe tulis tak lawa..grrr!!)

alhamdullilah, mekasey ya ALLAH, aku dipanjangkan umur..
moga taun ini rezeki ku dan keluargaku dimurahi dan diberkati..
moga cepat dapat kerja yang sesuai dengan diri ku..
moga aku dan keluargaku selalu di kurniakan hidayah dan taufiq dari Maha Pencipta..
moga di jauhi segala perkara2 yang melalaikan, dan di mungkari ALLAH dari diriku dan keluargaku..
amiin..

belae (kelantanization of belang) dibuai mimpi~ --> teman tidurku
bear dan awae (kelantanization of awang)

lately i had problems berjaga tengah2 malam.. even kalo xtdo siang pon, or say tdo mlm awal pon, still tgh mlm terjaga..
xley nak wat pe..
busann~
jeles ngan belae..
uhukkk..

i'm sorry, but i luv you..

Bismillahirrahmanir rahim..

Dengan namaMu Ya Allah Yang Sentiasa Mengasihi hamba-hambaMu..

Ingin aku berbicara denganMu di setiap masa yang aku ada dan di setiap tempat aku berada..

Ingin aku meluahkan segala apa yang terpendam dalam hati ini..

Walau aku tahu Engkau sangat-sangat memahami dan mengetahui,

Tanpa aku bicarakannya kepadaMu..

Malah Engkau lebih tahu segalanya tentang aku daripada diriku sendiri

Kerana Engkau yg memiliki sekeping hati ini..

Kerana Engkau lebih dekat denganku daripada urat leherku sendiri..

Ya Rabbi, sudilah pandang aku..

Ya Rabbi, izinkan aku menghadapMu berulang kali sehingga ke akhir hayatku..

Aku tahu..

Aku sering menghadapMu dengan wajah yang kelam, tidak berseri..

Aku sering berhadapan denganMu tika jiwaku berkeluh kesah..

Aku mencariMu hanya di waktu susah dan derita..

Di saat senang dan sibuk dengan dunia, aku melupakanMu..

Aku lupa bahawa hidup ini hanya untukMu..

Aku leka bahawa dunia ini hanya sementara untuk aku mencari bekal sebanyaknya.

Namun, di saat ini aku hadir untuk menghadapMu..

Bersama dosa dan noda yang tak terhitung banyaknya..

Disebabkan kelalaianku menurut hawa nafsu..

Dan tertipu dengan dunia dan syaitan..

Allah, pandanglah aku dengan kasih sayangMu..

Pandanglah aku dengan keampunanMu..

Aku sangat mengharapkan kasih sayang dan redhaMu..

Kerana aku benar-benar menagih syurgaMu dan aku takut nerakaMu..

Tapi, layakkah aku Ya Allah?

Ya Rabbi, seandainya di saat ini Engkau menjemputku pulang,

Bagaimanakah nantinya tika berhadapan denganMu?

Sudikah Kau menerima hamba-Mu yang hina ini?

Bagaimanakah keadaanku waktu itu??

Hitamkah wajahku bila berhadapan denganMu?

Berseri dengan sinar cahayakah wajah ini?

Berlarikah aku menujuMu kerana rindu untuk menemuiMu?

Atau menggigil ketakutan kerana takut dan malu denganMu?

Allah, aku bimbang..

Aku gusar dan takut Ya Allah..

Apabila memikirkan saat itu

Kerana banyaknya dosa aku terhadapMu..

Allah, sukarnya untuk aku meredahi cabaran dunia ini..

Ingin ku buang jauh duniaku yang melalaikan..

Tapi ia selalu menarik-narik hatiku untuk tetap mengulangi kesilapan terhadapMu..

Kadang-kadang aku terlupa, kadang-kadang aku sengaja..

Aku takut padaMu Allah tapi kenapa aku seringkali mengulangi dosa-dosa terhadapMu?

Aku sering berjanji di depanMu untuk menyerahkan hidup matiku hanya untukMu..

Namun sering aku memungkiri janji-janjiku itu tanpa rasa berdosa..

Aku pernah menangis keranaMu kerana takutkan azabMu..

Kemudian aku ketawa semula di saat aku lupa tentangMu..

Semudah itu Ya Allah aku sebagai hamba yg sebenarnya tidak layak melakukan sebegitu..

Tapi Engkau Ya Allah, tetap memberi peluang untuk aku kembali padaMu

Engkau sentiasa bersedia mengampuniku..

Aku takut Ya Allah, seandainya waktu aku tiba untuk kembali padaMu..

Aku dalam keadaan tidak bersedia dan penuh dengan hitam noda..

Apakah yang mampu aku persembahkan di hadapanMu kelak?

Mampukah aku memulangkan segala pinjaman yang Engkau beri kepadaku dalam keadaan yg terbaik?

Allah, aku mohon dengan sangat..

Sucikanlah hati aku dengan maghfirahMu..

Agar tersenyum aku pulang mengadapMu..

Allah, terimalah taubatku..

Agar bercahaya wajahku dengan nurMu bertemu denganMu..

Allah, pimpinlah aku dengan hidayahMu..

Agar mudah jalanku ke JannahMu..

Tuhan, pegang eratlah hati ini agar sentiasa aku rasa dekat denganMu..

Aku harap Kau terima amalku untuk aku persembahkan di hadapanMu kelak..

Ya Allah, dengarkanlah rintihan & permohonan hatiku ini..

Hadiahkanlah cahayaMu kepadaku sehingga saat aku dipanggil pulang olehMu..

Amiin Ya Rabb..

Aku mohon dengan sangat..Perkenankan lah.

:: Ya Allah, maafkanlah bila hati tidak sempurna mencintaiMu ::

stress?

stress fyp xsetel2 lagi..

stress test ngan esemen rxtor sok..

stress projek ngan pisentation OM sok..

stress pdp xdesign2 lagi.. senin depan pisen..

stress xstadi2 lagi ntuk xm.. stadi wik start senin..

stress sem ni xtaw langsung markah course work..

stress tak sempat2 nak submit cv ngan carik keje..

my stress star ngan stress ball.. dpt time gi career day kat ukm
(belakang tu my fevret mug~ besar~..puas minum XD)

stress ball kesukaan ema ngan una (ye ke?) ;p

something to share, doa yang aku selalu amalkan bila terasa teringat dan insaf since my 1st year..(aarrgghh.. sesungguhnye aku seorg yang sgt lalai TT)

Doa Perlindungan Dari Sifat Malas

Doa Penerang Hati

"Ya Allah, bukakanlah ke atas kami hikmatMu dan limpahilah ke atas kami khazanah rahmatMu,wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lag"Ya Allah, bukakanlah ke atas kami hikmatMu dan limpahilah ke atas kami khazanah rahmatMu,wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.Wahai Tuhanku, tambahkanlah ilmuku dan luaskanlah kefahamanku.Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku dan mudahkanlah urusanku" i Maha Penyayang.Wahai Tuhanku, tambahkanlah ilmuku dan luaskanlah kefahamanku.Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku dan mudahkanlah urusanku"

becoming

comparing myself now with myself a few years back, i kinda see i'm becoming someone that i, my self is unable to recognize..

"awak lain gile skang"

"saya pon pasan"

"dulu awak tak kuar malam, skang ni advance, salu kuar2, yang terkejutnye sampai ke penang.. care awk pon da len.. pastu skang awk da start flirt2 ngan ramai org "(mane de ramai org..siyes!)

erksss..

tapi sume tu mmg betul pon..

paling nampak after start je final year last sem, aku dengan giatnye asek kuar malam.. mapley la.. situ la.. sini la.. quite sudden when b4 intern, dlm beberapa taun itu hanya sekali dua.. to the extent that my rumet commented,

"awak tak kuar malam? time 1st year, 2nd year dulu betul la.. skang ni lagi ligat dari rumetnye"

ngaa.. the truth hurts..

another things i started to notice, day by day (haru haru~ XD), i've become more ignorant and jadi jenis yang semakin tak kesah (ni yang contribute tu flirty aspects tho only for specified frens ) .. not to mention, i've also sometimes tend to be more kejam and selfish..

does wutever i experienced during those time, turning me into who i am now? or am i just too tired (or lazy) to care anymore? or is this one way i'm becoming more rebellious?

on the positive side, i get to met and know new peoples.. do something new, perhaps things i never dare to do before.. altho i'm not an xtrovert, i rather enjoy being with peoples and having companies..

on the down side, i cant even decipher my own actions.. nowadays i reacted on reflexes rather than of consciousness.. sometimes i get scared myself because i cant see my own b0rderline of what is right or what is wrong .. my rationale now is somewhat unreliable now.. sometimes even my priorities got mixed up!


i' not saying i dont like who i am rite now, bcuz everything in life especially people, changes.. only the ALMIGHTY does not and will not change over time.. this is who i am rite now.. be it for better or for worse.. i just kind of miss my old self.. hehe~

thank you to frens that always reminded me to be more aware of what i'm doing, those that told me to try not to go out at nite often and not to stay out too late.. those that always reminded me of my parents and family..

thank you~~

once upon a dream..

all the craps and nonsenses is what separates a dream from reality ;p


when she was busy juggling to hold a few things from dropping in her hand, she suddenly realized she was left behind by the others.. the only one left is him, not far in front of her..

"haih..cane nak lintas nih.." as they came to a highway. In order to catch up with the others, they had to cross the highway. she meant it to say to herself, but somehow she said it too loud..

he look at her with blank face and somewhat irritated. It was the first time she saw that look ever crossed his face. truth to be told, previously, he had already take a few things that she had carried, but still she cant manage to carry the remainder properly (which probably initiate the irritation).

:sigh: she was never good in being organized after all.

then he held out his hand.. she look at his hand, stunned.. what is it?.. say something.. does he unwillingly volunteering to carry the stuff for her?.. after a while, he extend his hand more, pursuing any response from her.. suprisingly, she placed her hand into his.. she can feel the heat crept on her face.. she blushed furiously and dare not to look up.. (aaaa~..malunye!) .. he too, seem startled.. but almost immediately recover and tighten his hold on her hand.. and she ,still with head down and blushing face, was pulled by him swiftly, crossing the empty highway..

even after they reached the other side, he still held her hand.. they walked down the road.. one of her hand still in his, while the other holding her things close to herself.. over time, she manage to gather the courage to look at him and the first thing she said was..

"this is so not you"


She blinked her eyes as the light hit her face.. grabbing her phone, she opened her eyes.. 4pm.. gaaa.. her after-zohor-nap seems had turn to before-asar-nap.. still laying on her bed, she lay there, with no shrug on her face.. xde orang lain ke... :sigh:..

tapi kan.. orang kate kan.. kalo kite tak teringat pon kat orang tu, bile tidur, kite mimpi die.. sebab time tu die tgh ingat kat kite.. hehe.. wishful thinking.. haha..

malu~..tapi post gak blog.. huhu.. aaaa~.. xpe, xramai pon bace blog ni.. ngaa~

p/s: mimpi bukan sengaja.. tak di kira sebagai multi tasking! miss ur messages ;p

subhanallah..

things in life happens for reasons..

what goes around comes around..

memang asam garam dalam hidup kadang kite di atas dan senang lenang, kadang kita di bawah dan ditimpa2 pelbagai musibah ..

di kala senang, itu tanda ALLAH swt menyayangi hamba2nya..
di kala susah, itu tanda ALLAH swt lebih menyayangi hamban2nya..kerana itu DIA memberi peringatan, kerana itu DIA memberi ujian..

ya ALLAH, tabahkan la hatiku dan dan semua ya ALLAH.. kuatkan lah hati kami untuk menghadapi ujianMU yang menimpa kami.. bukakanlah pintu hati kami agar menyedari kesilapan2 kami dan pengajaran2 yang ingin kau tunjukkan ya ALLAH..

di kala2 kesempitan ini, ujian demi ujian datang melanda.. sampai kenkadang diri ini penat selepas satu demi satu cubaan MU datang menghempap kami.. mujur penat bukan petanda berputus asa, cuma kenkadang diri ini leka sebentar, cuba buat bodoh dia atas semua yang terjadi.. hanya kepada MU ya ALLAH aku berharap.. kerana KAU lah yang maha megetahui dan maha berkuasa.. tetapkanlah hati ku ya ALLAH, kuatkan lah semangat ku ya ALLAH, berikan lah aku hidayah dan petunjuk MU.. permudahkan lah kami mengatasi dan melalui semua ujian2 mu dan juga dugaan2 di masa hadapan.. kerana hanya KAU lah tempat kami berlindung dan berharap..

life is a complicated thing.. it can never be described with words only.. no matter how hard, no matter how harsh life is, one day, when you'll look back, you'll realized, all those are what made you who you are.. all those that bring you down eventually will strenghthen yourself when you are at the top.. all those what make you treasure life and the sweet memories the most.. all those will make you not to forget the supreme power that controls all..

kesedaran

sometimes bile terbaca blog2 or berjumpe balik or berym ngan orang2 yang jauh lebih baik, terselit rase insaf.. terpalit rase malu.. betapa jahilnya diri ini.. betapa ignorantnye diri ni walapon da tau hukum halal haramnye.. betapa jauhnya diri ini terhanyut..

tergerak hati untuk berubah jadi lebih baik..

tapi..

diri ini masih lagi seronok di hanyutkan..

masih lagi gembira dan asyik untuk terlalai..

masih berniat dan mencuba untuk merasa..

sebuah karutan di hari minggu

lately the topics talked about between me and my frens wil be directly or indirectly (which later will becoming the direct ) about marriage.. probably since my rummet is going to get married real soon, insyaallah ;) .. and probably soon will be followed by a few others of my close frens.. woo~

in contrast to my frens, i dont want to settle down at a young age as i am now..(muda kah aku?..haha).. well, one of us, always reminding 22 is not that young any more as time can flies really fast.. but still, for me, it's too early for me..

marriage is supposed to be a once in a life time experience (amiin~).. thus it should be well planned and prepared to be something real special and a super duper wonderful memory..rite?..

one major problems (for me) when considering marriage, is affordability..there are many sub-aspects on the matter.. money, mentality, responsibility and not to forget, .. (i forgot ;p..we'll get back to that later, k? )..

money is what makes the world get going.. without money, one cant live.. with lots of money, one get drifted away.. that's not the point here.. in marriage, money may be one of the essential things to make sure the marriage has a potential to survive.. love only, without the cash cant feed you..love only cant pay your bills.. i'm not materialistic but i'm just being realistic.. from the JAKIM statistics, we can see increase in number of divorce cases, which most of them related with financial problems.. set aside the after marriage case, nowadays even an engagement ceremony costs a lot of hard cash..-sigh-..

for almost every women, they dreamed of getting married.. and i am definitely included ^^ .. the excitement of getting married, wow~ .. the hantarans, the clothes ( una main point..hehe), the rings ( if the family follow closely to the malay tradition, you can get more rings.. one for merisik, one for engagement, one for akad nikah.. wo~.. anyway, i definitely gonna make sure one of them will be couple rings.. you gonna spend the rest of ur life with that person, why not share the same piece of jewelry to remind the both of u ;) .. and if he can afford diamond & platinum that'll be much better XD ) , and also the fun and headache in managing the walimatul urus..

see, with promotion, diamond & platinum is still affordable~

sometimes went window shopping, my mom and i will go browsing thru textile stores such as euromoda and gulati's (there's one in kajang) and see all the possible wedding dresses.. wow~.. i can really imagine how fun it is to shop for the pre-wedding and wedding dresses.. and if i really were to marry, i wanna buy them not just rent them.. after so many many years, looking back at your own wedding gown will definitely bring back sweet memories.. my mom still have her wedding gown folded neatly in the cabinet at home ^^..

getting married is really an excitement..but am i ready to live as a married person?.. dont think so.. haha.. excited je lebey..

and i havent found the one.. the one that i can imagine to and want to spend the rest of my life with.. i admit, i'm the hopeless romantic type.. where i want to be with some one that can sweep me off my feet.. someone that i can console to thru thick and thin, and him to me.. when considering my stone-cold heart, it is almost the same as waiting for sanosuke to fall from the sky XD..

falling..

"if i fall, will u fall with me?" --> status ym nih..

"i will"

It makes me happy that he answered that.. he was one of the guy that i respected ever since we started our friendship.. and he isn't the type that would say something just to soothe me.. it made me happy he meant what he said..(or i hope so ;p)

thank you.. thank you for being my friend.. thank you for your answer..

sometimes, i wonder.. if i actually fell (metaphorically or literally), would there actually someone that is willing to be pull down together with me.. just letting things to fall in places and let yourself falling together..

what the hell i'm rambling about?.. haha.. must have been the hormones ><" (asek2 salahkan hormon.. haih~)

i really want to try bungee jumping.. to let yourself fall from high places.. to have the wind hit your face.. to experience a new kind of adventure.. to be able to feel the fear, the nervousness , the adrenaline pumping, the excitement, the relief (if the rope don't pop on you ;p).. can i really have the guts and not back off at the last minute?

i tend to do the same thing in relationships.. especially to those i'm new with.. i let things falls and eventually (and unfortunately) the rope breaks..-sigh- .. and it's all become too late.. - double sigh- .. at times i hardly think about others' feelings and went a little bit harsh.. sometimes it was because i become irritated for people that barely know me and talk as if they know me inside out.. for example

"saya suka awak sebab awak lembut "

you better think twice or more before saying that.. i doubt you will say that if you had seen me at home.. with my loud voice and not-so-polite manner, i am so so so far far away from that.. not to mention my feisty-ness..

and that's why it's kinda fun being friends with people that i need not to be polite with.. those i dont need to impressed.. whom i can say my thoughts out loud.. whom that are able to see my crazy side.. but i have to admit, i am not being able to do that with just anyone.. even not some of my closest friends.. and lately, i seem to not able to do that much anymore.. damn conciousness!

maybe this will be off-topic, recently i met some one that i'm attracted to.. i was very happy that the feeling was mutual for him.. heck, i was very delighted when he contacted me (as i said, i'm attracted to him, if not i wont bother to text him back ..and notes to all my frens : sometimes when i'm not replying ur messages, please dont misunderstood negatively, ok?.. especially at home..bcuz i'm only with my mobile at night..sorry for any inconvenience~).. i really am happy, eventho i dont admit it to his face.. but maybe pride and ego got in the way.. or maybe i was afraid.. it doesnt end well for me the last time.. and he seems to be on a fast ride.. while i like things to fall in places on their own.. and somehow,someway, i may pushed him too far.. well, he might have been overboard at that time too..so the both of us is at blame!.. anyway, i'm sorry.. i tried my way to make amends by pushing aside my pride.. but to no avail.. so, lastly from me.. thank you.. thank you for the short time we know each other.. thank you for saying that you liked me ( i'm actually allergic to that, thus resulting the unnecessary responds ;p.. dont ask me why).. i kinda hope we can still be friends altho, i dont think u'll feel the same.. wishing you all the best for your final semester! ^^

(macam dediket last paragraph ni kat die plak ><" )

scandalous

i'm grateful i came from a background where i can catch the glimpse of the light and the darkness.. being there i can see both of the worlds.. gaining experiences from what is not mine originally and hoping some of it will never become of my own..

there was one secret or rather secrets that had reach me.. quite scandalous, for me.. surprisingly, it does not suprise me.. am i being less sensitive about those kinda things.. or could i have expected that ( jahat sungguh aku)..

somehow i'm grateful being born in this kind of life.. where i am able to see a peek preview of what the real life should be.. where i can feel tempias ( i look at the mr dict and found the word 'scatter', 'splash'? etc, but i just cant feel they are the right word..huhu) of how painful or how beautiful my life could be.. and life really do have its ups and downs, not considering the exam's result.. to have a headache thinking solutions to resolve the 'downs'.. being a person that usually take things for granted and very easy going or just typically too lazy too care (some mistook it for positive thinking.. you are deceived, how can you not see that!) , thinking means it's very very very serious matters.. and to realize that even we live under we roof, all of us may living a totally different lives.. and that's b4 graduation..after graduation (wish me all da best~), how far will all of us be apart, how big will our lives differences become? ..

things that can make you happy dont need to be something big, interesting and expensive ( sum1 promised me to give a birthday present that is big, interesting and expensive and i'm still waiting for it..::wink:: whoever you are out there, you owe me a very expensive one for late charges! ).. things that always make me smile will always be my cats especially a little one that i love to pamper a lot (which is not little anymore..but i still love him!).. running at me every morning, hearing he purred "uwwooooww", climbing my legs, causing a ruckus over dinner .. i missed him alredy, eventho it's only been almost 2 days.. i missed him a lot :'( .. and also the others but i missed him the most.. i really2 wanna hug him now.. and belae too.. and jijie .. and chichie.. and teh.. and tompok@suzi.. and chuchai.. and chomot.. and pipih.. and the 3 kittens and ibu..

my new sweetheart..aww, i miss u!

the kittens..

Of me and my selfishness: “marriage?”

Sumorg skang da sibuk² mau kawen..huu..tau la da final year..

aaa~

jgn tinggal daku sendiri~

’fae xmo kawen ke?’

Nice question..haha..

‘xmo..lagi’

Belajar pun tak lepas lagi ni..walaupun dalam hati ni nak kawen gak sebenarnya..tapi tak ready lagi..tapi nak keje dulu..tapi nak puas merasa merantau negeri orang dulu.. tapi nak puas enjoy hidup solo tanpa terikat ngan suami..tapi nak habiskan (or ringankan) tanggungjawab kat family dulu.. banyak sungguh tapi-nya..tapi, tapi yang paling penting, takde calon lagi..hehe

And yeah, tak kawen takpe, janji nikah..sbb nikah yang menghalalkan sume²nye..bukan kawen..huuu~

Marriage comes with a big responsibility..bukan sekadar cukup suka sama suke..bukan sekadar parents da bagi green light .. bukan sekadar cukup duit hantaran je.. bukan sekadar dah ready, dah ade keje, financial dah steady, dah mampu nak tanggung anak orang à laki la..pompuan xyah nak pecah kepala mane nak cari duit nak sara anak dara orang..nak kawen sangat, amek!..ingat senang ke kawen ni..haha..

Marriage is for a lifetime, insyaallah..bukan nak hidup sehari dua ngan dia..borink, cerai, cari lain.. YA ALLAH, jauhkan la sume tu.. seboleh²nya nak hidup ngan dia sampai menutup mata dan bile bukak mata, dia still ade kat sebelah.. dan cycle seterusnya sampai dah tak boley buka mata dah..

Dan nak carik orang yang kita boley share hidup bersama bukan senang..orang yang kite buley kongsi sekecik², seremeh-temeh benda sampai sebesar² benda bersama².. nak cari orang yang kite boley terima kelemahan dan kelebihan die..orang yang boley terima kelemahan dan kelebihan kite ( dan kegilaan, dalam kes aku..).. orang selalu nampak kelemahan sebagai satu kekurangan, tapi kenkadang tu kelebihan seseorang tu boley makan diri kite..contohnye?..kerana kelebihan die, kita mungkin rase rendah diri, insecure, or even demoralized..contonhye kalo die ensem, kite ni skadar bese2 je.. dia ramai peminat, kite ni sape la nak, die je..tak takut kah kalo pompuan yg jauh lawa dari kite nak ngorat die.. love is not just about look..tapi teringat cter Liar, Liar, bile anak Jim Carey kate “Inner beauty is the most important”, die jawab, “That’s what people with cow’s face said”..lol..penyataan yang kejam tapi itulah reality..rupa mungkin bukan priority no 1, kalo tak, tak kawen la org cam aku..huhu..but it’s still matters..takyah kate lelaki la, even pompuan kalo laki super duper ensem lalu, for sure terdetik kat hati,kagum..satu contoh kelebihan boleh bertukar menjadi kelemahan..

Contoh lain duit.. one of the most essential thing needed to live in this materialistic world.. kalo kawen, duit short je..nak bayar umah lagi, keta lagi, bil lagi, sampai makan tak lepas..financial problem..start la bergaduh.. even ade orang cerai sebab masalah kewangan.. tapi kalo ade duit banyak plak, start la berfoya²..main kayu beramai²..pun boleh jadi problem besar lagi..

So kesimpulannye?.. susah nak carik that one person that truly made for us.. the one.. soulmate.. true luv.. or wut ever people call them..

Tapi ade satu yang aku percaya (percaya kah?).. the one we end up with not necessarily our true love.. huhu.. cam pengaruh tengok drama banyak sangat je..haha.. but still, I hope I can found that one person in my life soon..very soon..

Cakap pasal calon nih.. ade doa untuk jodoh kan?

Ya Allah..
Seandainya telah Engkau catatkan..
Dia milikku tercipta buatku..
Satukanlah hatinya dgn hatiku..
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami..
Agar kemesraan itu abadi...

Ya Allah...
Ya tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihi..
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini...
Ke tepian yang sejahtera dan abadi..
Maka jodohkanlah kami...

Tetapi Ya Allah...
Seandainya telah Engkau takdirkan
Dia bukan milikku...
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku...
Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku...
Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan...

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti...
Berikanlah aku kekuatan...
Menolak bayangannya jauh ke dada langit...
Hilang bersama senja yang merah...
Agarku sentiasa tenang...
Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya;

Ya Allah yang tercinta...
Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdir-MU...
Sesungguhnya apa yang telah Engkau takdirkan
Adalah yang terbaik untukku...
Sesungguhnya Engkau maha mengetahui...
Segala yang terbaik buat hamba-MU ini...

Ya Allah...
Cukuplah Engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaanku...
Di dunia dan akhirat...
Dengarkanlah rintihan dari hamba-MU yang daif ini...
Janganlah Engkau biarkan aku sendirian..
Di dunia ini walaupun akhirat...
Menjuruskan aku kearah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran...
Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman...
Agar aku dan dia sama-sama dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup...
Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai...
Dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan yang soleh dan solehah...

Ya Allah...
Berikanlah kami kebahagiaan di dunia dan akhirat...
Dan peliharalah kami dari azab api Neraka...

Amin...amin...Ya rabbal alamin...

Suatu masa dahulu, aku penah berdoa, “YA ALLAH, kalau benar dia adalah jodohku, dekatkan lah hatinya pada ku dan aku padanya, kalau bukan die jodohku, jauhkan lah hati kami,”..pastu memang jauh hati pun..haha.. sah takde jodoh! ..Alhamdullilah..hehe..

(termode jahat la plak.. haha.. takpe.. aku doakan die bahagia dengan sesape je yang bersama die skang.. skang buley la gelak².. kalo dulu, ade secalit rase sedey, regret..ntahlah..aku tak reti nk describe.. tapi ntah kenape rase lega jugak.. mungkin sebab aku memang da rasa die bukan sanosuke dari awal lagi.. )

”cane nak rase?”

Erkss..to feel he’s the right one, that i dont know.. that is obviously bcuz I haven’t found ‘him’ yet ..but with time , somehow we’re able to feel sumthing tugging at the corner of our heart saying he’s not the one.. it felt as if sumthing is misplaced, like sumthing is missing, bcuz there is sumthing missing.. that is my personal pov..

And if sumhow, sumway, sumwhere, out there, I met a guy,yg lebey dari sorg kawan ( bukan mase terdekat ni la) .. this time takmo kuar berdua..kalo kuar pun, kuar ramai².. xmo g tgk wayang da.. xmo g mkn bfast ke lunch ke dinner ke dua².. takmo dating.. dan sangat² tak mahu physical contact.. even as little as holding hands..

My mom used to say, “ kalo lelaki tu betul² suka kite, sayang kite, die takkan pegang tangan kite pun walopun die nak sangat, apatah lagi nak amek kesempatan..sebab die tak nak bawak kite ke arah maksiat, die tak mahu kite berdose,”.. and till now I still believe in that.. that doesn’t mean I never go out with a guy, tho.. haha.. that was in the past anyway.. dulu, zaman muda remaja..sume bende nk mncuba..

So the conclusionnya, xmo kapel.. biar la sume membe kapel pun.. tak teruja lagi.. i’m happy for them if they’re happy.. harap² sampai ke jinjang pelamin dan seterusnya.. well, for me ?.. ade jodoh, insyaallah nikah terus .. xyah kapel².. xyah pening2 pale.. hehe..

of me and my selfishness : sleep

if only i can sleep and never wake up..
then all this pain is nowhere to be felt..
if only i can sleep for a thousand years..
without dying in the dreamless sleep..
if i were given choices..
death will never be an option..
i don't have the guts to face the other world..
when i'm still a person with faults..
when responsibilities are still on my shoulders..
when my tears are still dripping..
when i havent fulfill their dreams..
when i know i can't leave her, not yet..
all i ask, is just a long sleep..
let me sleep..
Dear Allah..
forgive me..
it's not i'm giving up..
i don't want to give up..
but it's tiring me up..
i just want to run away..
from all these..
from those that made her cry..
from those that made me cry..
from all that hurting..
if i can sleep a thousand years..
if only i can sleep till everythings ok..
till things fall to where they should be..
where i hope they will be..
till then..
all i wish is an everlasting slumber..
so i can't feel anything..
so i can believe everything has go away..