finding the missing piece in life..

demi matahari dan sinarnya di pagi hari..
demi bulan apabila ia mengelingi..
demi siang hari bila menampakkan dirinya..
demi malam apabila ia menutupi..

demi langit berserta seluruh binaannya..
demi bumi serta yang ada di hamparannya..
demi jiwa dan seluruh penyempurnaanya..

ALLAH mengilhamkan sukma kefasikan dan sukma ketakwaan..
beruntunglah bagi yang menyucikannya..
rugilah bagi yang mengotorinya..

at first, when i heard the words, i was mesmerized.. such beautiful word as if they from the Quran..when Pak Firdaus repeat those in the English version, the stronger the feeling ,and i already had a hunch from which verse they are..

yeah.. they're from As-Syams (1 to 9)..

it has been ages since i've updated this blog.. lepas raya sangat la busy.. with the fyp, the pdp, the assignments, the career placement week, etc2.. even till now, i have fyp, pdp, (mechanical design xstart lg neh ><"), reactor assignments and lab reports, om projects and test, caklempong assignment and quiz pending.. wow~ ><"

this is not what i wish to discuss here..today i would to like share some of the experience i yesterday and the day before..

on the last weekend, i had joined the basic seminar/ 1st stage of ESQ.. ESQ stands for emotional spiritual quotient..

the event started at 8 am and the 1st thing presented was the ESQ tagline of 'Demi Matahari' taken from As-syams verse 1-9.. it was not actually a presentation but the 'Demi Matahari' was dideklamasi (how to say that in english? ;p) with emphasization of the ESQ 165 module..

i was unable to folow the 1st module since i need to go out at 9 for my caklempong klas.. dbe' had mentioned they will be issueing exemption letter, but still, with the co-q day juz the next weekend, and i was still stumbling in playing the sauwa, i definitely to practised more (lagu die best..tapi rancak sgt..tak sempat2 nak keja2..aaa~)..

alhamdullilah, sampai2 je dpn MPH after co-q, baru nak start the outer journey module.. dalam module, diterangkan bagaimana penciptaan dunia..dari teori bumi yg datar dan bertindak sebagai pusat sistem solar.. hinggalah teori copernicus yang disokong galileo that the sun is the center of the solar system instead of the earth.. to the latest theory bigbang which have been empahasized quite a lot during the module (time die duk sebut 'big bang!', teringat grup big bang, tergelak sensorang..haha..yang tak tahan nye siap teringiang2 lagu lalala ngan lies.. adess.. subhanallah..kuat sungguh pengaruh setan..huuu)..

the big bang i know..hehe..

and then we were reminded, how all the knowledge of world creation had been told in the al-Quran for the past 1400 years ago.. how Rasullullah saw was accused for being a liar when he told the peoples and yet now, astronomers had shown proofs, had taken pictures from the Hubble telescope to support for what Rasullullah saw had said as in the Quran..

the second module (at least for me), was called the inner journey.. the trainer touches of the story on the lailatul qadr, the experience to travel merentasi langit..imagining if it happens to you.. to see how far your soul travels, leaving your body, where as time goes your by, your house is nowhere in sight, your town, your country, even the earth is nowhere in sight.. pass thru the Milky Way.. later, even Milky Way was just a small dot.. Then in a matter of second, you've were thrown back to the earth..to see the inner parts of yourself.. your skins, your cells, even your dna are actually are praising ALLAH swt and praying (bertasbih dan memuja ALLAH) for every seconds of their lifespan..

kalo nak cter ape yang berlaku time esq tu, berjela2 dan tak larat la nak tulis..huu..

from my pov, the esq programme meant to tell and remind our self, for everything and anything in life, they refer back to the Almighty..everything in this world are at His disposal..

IQ comprises of the physicals, what we think..

EQ comprises of the emotions, what do feel..

SQ comprises of understanding our soul, who we are?

there were a lot of sessions that involves tears.. even guys menanges teresak2.. there i really i want to cry my heart out.. tapi mungkin hati ini masih belum cukup lembut.. honestly i was really touched to the extent that my heart ache most of the time, but i manage only to let a few tears fall.. plus these few years, the people that manage to make me cry were my parents and those i held very dear.. even that, the tears lasted less than a minute.. it may have been self-pride.. it may be because it is one way to tell myself i need to be strong.. i think another reason was, da pernah dgr situasi2 yang die gambarkan tu.. huhu.. da lali kot.. hehe.. adess..

the one sessions that i will always remember was the one where as if we were questioned by the mungkar nangkir when we die.. with the sound effects and the loud voices, the recurring questions of 'WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?' and 'WHO ARE YOU?'..dengan kilat2 die lagi.. if u wanted money, where are the money now.. if u wanted power, can that power helped u now?.. if u wanted ur loved one.. can their love save you now?..subhanallah..

'shouldnt ALLAH is the one you love the most in life? shouldnt ALLAH be the reason for your life?'

i wont lie to say the one that the one i love the most, my top priority, everything i'd done and do is because of ALLAH.. i wont deny that instead of ALLAH, i luv my family the most.. but as what had been told repeatedly in the program, 'love' came from ALLAH.. if ALLAH had not permitted, there will be no love in my family.. thus the love for ALLAH should exceed much2 more than those of His subjects.. Ya ALLAH, bukakan lah hatiku, hati keluarga ku, hati saudara-maraku, hati teman-temanku, hati orang2 yang aku sayangi, berikanlah kami hidayah agar mencintai Mu lebih dari segalanya di dunia, sedarkan lah kami, Kau lah segalanya, Kau lah punca hidup kami, Kau lah tujuan hidup kami..amiinn..

Sanosuke, from this moment i dont think i'm able to love you anymore.. you was once, an important anime character in my life..huhu..but still, u will alway s be special reminder of what my teenage life is like.. after all, i've liked you the most since i was in form two till the 1st year of my uni's life~ i even liked him more than my first real crush :P .. the same apply to Hiruma, Lockon (mengapakah sume watak anime? ngaa~)..hyde pon.. but still, kalo ade sesape nak bagi Sanosuke and Hiruma nye key chain ke, plushie ke, figurine ke, i'm more than willing to accept.. XD

talking about Sanosuke, hari tu, terserempak dgn the used-to-be-real-life-sanosuke.. i couldnt even recognized him.. die yang tegur dulu.. time tu xcam lagi.. dgn my 'who-are-you?' face, (usually used dgn tidak sengajanya dgn org yg xdpt di cam.. reflex ar XD) tertanya2 sape kah die ni.. bile nampak nama die baru teringat sape.. huu.. and i thought at least i could recognize his voice.. huuhu.. teringat time 1st jumpe die ngan yani dulu.. haha.. something i'll nvr forget.. lawak sungguh.. dulu suke nak mengkenenkan ngan my rumet sampai kena marah..haha.. i nvr expect to see him again but still happy dpt jumpa dia.. wishing him all the best in life~ ;) ..

one thing yang plg obvious dlm esq adalah byk involve physical contact such as salam semut and hugging.. kalo dulu, it is something i terribly dislike tapi skang da considerable.. tapi skang kala2 tensen, serabut, lonely, when u need emotional support, memang rasa nak hug someone.. as exhibit in esq programme.. tapi dengan yang muhrim je la.. bkn muhrim xley.. dose2.. hehe..

truthfully, i admit there was always a tugging feeling of incomplete or a missing part in my life.. ii felt as if i needed something that i longed for a very long time..rase rindu tapi xtau rindu ape..it was during the ESQ i am able to understand what i missed in my life, what fell out of place all these years.. to find them and secure them would be another story.. hopefully i will able to tell them in the future.. hopefully i am able to fill my soul with what really should be there.. hopefully, i will not be drifted yet another time..;)

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Arti hadir-Mu dalam setiap langkah-langkahku berarti

Melewati setiap detik waktuku bersama takdirmu
Membuatku mengerti hanyalah pada-Mu ku kembali

Ku bersujud kepada-Mu memohon ampunan-Mu
Adakah jalan untukku tuk kembali pada-Mu

Akulah para pencari-Mu ya Allah
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Tunjukkan ku jalan yang lurus
Tempat kutambatkan langkahku

Akulah para pencari-Mu
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Hanya di jalan-Mu ya Allah
Tempatku pasrahkan hidupku

Ku bersujud kepada-Mu memohon ampunan-Mu
Adakah jalan untukku tuk kembali pada-Mu

Akulah para pencari-Mu ya Allah
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Tunjukkan ku jalan yang lurus
Tempat kutambatkan langkahku

Akulah para pencari-Mu
Akulah yang merindukan-Mu ya rabbi
Hanya di jalan-Mu ya Allah
Tempatku pasrahkan hidupku

- Ungu : Para Pencari Mu-